I haven't been able to let go lately. I constantly find myself cycling through emotions. I am amazed that I have been stable enough to function, really.
It goes like this:
I'm heartbroken, left to pick of the pieces that I invested fitting together. It's a feeling I've never felt before. Of course, this is the initial pain. Then, some time passes, along with more than a million different thoughts, emotions, and feelings. There are blessing within the pain, alongside the pain, around the pain...but I have yet to find the blessings in the pain that I'm experiencing.
How do I find peace in this pain?
How do I make sure it's all okay?
What's the next step I should take to feel better?
What am I doing wrong?
Why do I care so much?
What do I do?
...
I can't do any of these things, not on my own. I can't.
I will try again, to make things better. I can honestly say that today I have actually realized something...and it's this:
I don't want anything else.
I truly just want Jesus.
Jesus is, and always will be, the only one I can give my whole heart to without fear of it being trampled or ignored.
I can't receive that from anyone else, no matter how hard I search. I won't ever find that in another human.
This will be the only way that I can let go of everything...through Jesus.
I need a new start...with Jesus.
