I came back here. I didn't want to because I figured maybe I should start over on a different blogging site that would make everything feel new, like one of those strange fresh start times. It just didn't seem to work out that way. I keep meaning to write something that I think will be this very impactful and thoughtful post of where I have been lately with life and all the things I think about. However, every time I just cannot collect my thoughts to write about them.

On my drives to work I may have so many ideas or things that I think I can pursue. I think, "Well, after work I will have time to focus on this," but it just doesn't happen. Even now, while I write this, I don't feel like this is a very meaningful post. It's not about a certain topic...it's just me coming back to something I quit doing a while ago.

I renamed this blog from Coinciding with the Inevitable to In the Meantime because not only did I want something different, but I personally feel like we are all often in that "in the meantime phase of life." There's always something else we can work towards, but I do believe that it's in the weird unknown space of the meantime where meaningful and important things happen. I currently feel like I'm in this kind of time and I think it's worth writing about. Although this time may seem menial, it's the small moments or conversations that go much further and have an actual impact on ourselves or those around us. 


Anyway, I could really write forever about everything and it wouldn't make sense together, but I'm going to stop...until the next time I write. 

my thoughts nicely put

I just wrote something down that seemed so natural.

I answered a question in my Bible study book with this:

"More of seeing Jesus - not playing it safe in church and nice things."

The question that preceded this was, "Spend some time alone with the Lord, and pray about your schedule. What parts of your life and schedule are working and what things need to change?"

I was basically answering the whole "what things need to change part." Looking back at my answer, it may seem that I drifted off and didn't even answer the question. I actually answered it in a way that I answer most people's questions. And sometimes that is confusing.

Anyway.

"More of seeing Jesus."

This is what is most important to me right now. It used to be important, then it became less important, and now I'm here again. I'm realizing this is why I love Jesus. I love that he doesn't condemn me for being here. I just wanted to answer this question in a way that really depicts what I think. 

I often feel like I go to church and that's where we're all supposed to feel safe and see Jesus. I get that. I really do, for the most part. If I hadn't grown up in church, I'd probably hold tightly to that. But, I have grown up in church and that's not my story. And that's okay. 

In this moment I'm feeling passionate. It's like I'm feeling the way Jesus planned. Weird. He knows that I thrive off of seeing things in an alternative way...in a way that I'm not used to. I'm also very skeptical of things. Especially when it comes to church. I thought I could brush that off in the past year, but that's not what has happened. I'm still skeptical. When I know that others are skeptical it's almost like they're speaking my language. It's like we're all challenging things and how they could be. I still like that.

Back to my answer...the other half, finding comfort in nice things. 

I understand that Jesus is holy. He is pure. He never sinned. He will always be this way. 

We are not all of those things on our own. He does that in us. I get that.

BUT.

The nice things I'm speaking of that seem somehow close to Jesus... having nice things. Having clean things. 

Is that closer to Jesus? This may not even make sense after I type it, but I hope it does. It just seems that in our churches, if we make things look nice and make sure they are clean and new...will that bring someone closer to Jesus? I mean, maybe it will. I can't say it couldn't. Sometimes I wonder, though. Christianity seems like the way to go if you want the "clean life." If you want to get rid of all the crap. 

This is true in that Jesus comes in and is with you in all this crap. The crap is still there, but he makes it better. He does. I've experienced it. Yet, you don't have to be completely be cleaned up and be nice and  current for Jesus to enter in to your life.

I think a lot of us know that. I'd like to think so, anyway. I just think that's important to reiterate. I have to remind myself that it's not all about that. I could be in a pile of mud (you can take this figuratively or literally at this point) with the gross feeling of just being dirty. That doesn't mean that I'm not loved. Just because I'm unsure of how I'll get out of that deep mud pit doesn't mean there isn't a way. Hope that wasn't too cliche. 

I love that too. Jesus isn't just in the nice things. He is in the poop of life. Why would he leave us in that? Yeah, we can choose not to see him. But we can also be reminded that he is there. We get to make those decisions, to at least recognize that Jesus is there. He's got you from there. He will every time.

words

Oh, the way words change things for a person.
They can be words of beauty, encouragement, love.

OR

words soaked with hate.

All these words strung together that we get to choose from. We get to tie these words together ourselves, fabricating something that brings life or death.

___________________________     _______       ______________     ___________    ____________

I've worked with teens on several occasions. I'm now a small group leader at my church. I've gotten the chance to meet these humans and see where they are in life, what they like to do, what they think about school. I've gotten a glimpse into their world…their world that seems so brutal to many because of the way that they are treated…not necessarily by their peers, but by their family as well.

I have always been surrounded by people who love me and who are encouraging.

This isn't true for some of the teens in youth group. Some of these kids struggle hardcore, and can only do so much because they are limited by their age. They can't just move out and live on their own. Some just have to wait.

Some of these kids stay strong because they know there are people who do love them,
When her grandma tells her that she's worthless and that she doesn't matter, she doesn't know what to do. She's ready to move out in a heartbeat. Her youth seems like a cage, even though she would willingly enjoy it if things were different, if someone was telling her that she is loved and cared for. Instead, she's reminded everyday of how incapable she is, how she doesn't matter, and how she is worthless.

Just what a person dreams of hearing.

I hate that. I hate that those words exist. Her grandmother can tear her down so easily. She gets the opportunity to make her feel like she's nothing. She chooses to pick out the words that kill and destroy.



Thankfully, this young woman knows that she is loved and accepted by others. She knows that her grandmother does not make her life better. She knows the unhealthiness of it all. She's standing strong. She's encouraged by other kids in the youth group and adult leaders. She is truly blessed. I want to pray for her and I will pray for her.


This isn't a new story, I know. But it's still happening. It will always happen. I'm just so thankful that the hate isn't all there is in this world. I'm so grateful that this girl is surrounded by others outside of her home that will be there, reassuring her that she is so much more than she will ever know. She is important always, not just sometimes. She matters.

The Hurt and the Healer

It's very strange, this place I've been as of late. Actually, I keep saying that. I keep saying that I've been in a weird place, one that doesn't make sense, one that is filled with confusion. Confusion is the best way to describe how I've felt for so long. Well, long as in months in my life.

To jump to where I am now, I've been reading this book by these two guys who happen to love Jesus. I started reading it earlier this year after my mom let me borrow it. I read a few chapters and then stopped. It was so good then.
So, I picked it up the other day and started reading it from the beginning…I think. I started reading it somewhere, anyway.
I did the thing where you go to a coffee shop and read or something. I read this book. I took notes on it. I didn't even take notes on it because I thought it was a way of discipline that would be helpful. I couldn't wait to take notes on this book. I wanted to soak it all up. I haven't felt this way about a book in forever. IT WAS SO AWESOME. I LOVED IT.

This book is addressing so many things I need to hear and reminding me of things that are so important and true. I'm being reminded of the truth of Jesus and God.

It addressed the confusion I talked about. I was so excited…it was like someone was speaking directly to me, telling me what I needed to know about Jesus.

I've been confused because I've been trying to do what I can and failing. I have emotionally and spiritually drained myself. I've tried to fix things. I tried to read my bible. I wouldn't read it, and felt bad. I felt guilty like there was something wrong. I didn't pray much. I was annoyed that I didn't pray much and that I wasn't even feeling it.  I haven't been feeling it. Any of the God stuff. And then I felt bad about that.

This is all stemming from what I haven't done. I haven't done this to be close with God. I was apart of it too much. I often put myself in the center, trying to figure out what steps I'm supposed to take toward getting back with God.

No. That's not it. I don't have to keep doing that. I am free from trying so hard. I am free from working towards a relationship with God. I already have a relationship with God. I decided that a long time ago. I've been acting as though he's gone far from me. He hasn't at all.

Are you aware that God's grace has been there, done that?…
Jesus came for a reason. We are actually free. These words don't even do this justice…

There's so much more to it than words. This realization cannot even be described with words. It can, but it's unhelpful.

My brain seems like it's crapping all over this blog, as thought it's not making sense really. Doesn't matter. I could write this blog horribly. I could treat people awfully. I could never do anything that I've ever been used to, such as getting involved in a church or reading my bible or praying. (I got this from the book, just not verbatim.) I wouldn't have to do any of that for Jesus to love me, for God to forgive me.

It's already been done.

I've been forgiven for life. I've already accepted Jesus into my heart and believe he is still alive. I love being reminded of who God is to us. I love being reminded that he's not out to make us feel guilty. Before knowing him, he saw our sin, yes. Now that I know him, Jesus lives through me and in me, making me holy and blameless. (Again, these are blurbs from the book.) It's awesome. Jesus is so awesome. He never has and will never do things that are expected. He doesn't just work in people who give him their best 100% and have their morals intact. He's not preaching morals.

With my puny, words, all I can say is that I'm excited that this is real. I'm excited to feel this again. Eeeee. I could write forever, but also not. I just like reading that book a whole lot.

I've been traveling in the desert of my mind

Here's what I'm going through, and the funny thing is...I didn't even write this. It was already written. Somebody has already felt these feelings. Somebody has already gone through this. I'm in it now. If nothing else, alongside my current apathy I have a song to sing. When I can't find what I'm looking for or even feel that strong spirit of truth, I still have a song. 

You can have this song too, if it's what you need.

It's what I need right now.

I try desperately to run through the sand
As I hold the water
In the palm of my hand
Cause it's all that I have
It's all that I need and
The waves of the water
Mean nothing to me
But I try my best
And all that I can to
Hold tightly onto
What's left in my hand
But no matter how
How tightly I will strain
The sand will slow me down
And the water will drain
I'm just being dramatic
In fact,
I'm only at it again
As an addict with a pen
Who's addicted to the wind
As it blows me back and fourth
Mindless, spineless, and pretend
Of course I'll be here again
See you tomorrow
But it's the end of today
End of my ways
As a walking denial
My trail was filed as a crazy
Suicidal head case
But you specialize in dying
You hear me screaming
Father
And I'm lying here just crying
So wash me with your water

that community word

You know when you start craving something you once knew? It could even be something like this food you had one time that was ridiculously great and you feel you need it right now or life won't go on...or pickles. I crave pickles.
But, that's clearly not what I'm writing about. I love pickles, and I tend to crave them like a pregnant woman. Also, I'm not pregnant. ... Anyway...

I crave community.
It's like, when I get even a small dose of it, I'm filled up. I experienced community in a way that has been modeled after the way Jesus did life...
He spent it with people who were vulnerable. People who got close because of him, not necessarily because of just their life interests.

Jesus clearly didn't mess around. He didn't live on earth that long, and didn't waste any time getting to genuinely know people. I love that about him. I love how he sees each person as someone more than worth spending time with. People are not like that, even the nicest, most genuine person on the planet. I'm so glad Jesus exists. He is like no one else, and that's refreshing.
He's so relatable, yet so different. He's the only one who ever had to die for every person just to save them from themselves. I won't ever have to do that. I will never be able to save anyone in that way.

Jesus is clearly good.
The community he promotes and lives is worth the vulnerability and I pray for that again.

sunday blog time.

Sometimes...well, sometimes lately I just sit here on the computer for endless amounts of time wondering if I'm even going to see a job title that looks interesting to me. I just don't want to fit into any of those job titles. It just seems not okay, like I'm giving in to stuff I never wanted to give in to --- which is, having a job that could really suck. I mean, I've had some days where I'm super positive and thinking I could basically do anything...and how I can't wait to do something that will rule...

These pictures are irrelevant. Sort of. 

Then again, I'm just not into this whole job thing. I KNEW it was going to be this process that would be dumb, boring, and would make me feel as though I should have worked harder somewhere along the way in my life. Maybe that's true, but that's awful if it is all true.

I know that you have to know people. You have to know people who will tell other people that you are looking for a job. It'd be super ideal for someone to be like, "Oh, hey! I found this great job for you -- it's one where you constantly promote excellent music and you get paid for it!."

Yeah.

I don't know though. Maybe my idea of any job is not what it would actually be in reality. I just don't want to fit into a typical job. Whatever that means. 

I wasn't ready for college to end. Pretty sure most seniors weren't either, minus those few that were offered jobs right out of school...wierdies. Well done for them, though.

However, I have some things to look into this week. Praying they go well. Or something. 

I also get to see some friends this week. And my boyfriend. 

So. That's my life right now. 

I know where you stand, silent in the trees

It only took listening to this song today. Riding in the back seat of the car, I blared it into my headphones. I watched everyone as they drove by...people were mostly eating in their cars. The windows were down, and I could feel the wind whip around my eyelashes. The sun was just setting too. 

As weird as it seems, this was the perfect song for that moment. 

I am always reassured by this band's lyrics, their music, and the hope that it encompasses.

I love being reminded to be who I am and to be excited about things, even in my uncertainty. I am consistently encouraged and motivated through twenty one pilots.

Strange....

and powerful...

but mostly powerful.

stuff.

Today, my sister told me I had a box of stuff that I could go through that I hadn't yet. This stuff was from my sophomore year of college. 

Yeah. A lot of weird happened in that year. I started my first legitimate journal in that year. It was a purple notebook...one that I wrote in religiously...or so it seems that way. I also found some old notes/things that just aren't necessary to have. These things just aren't in my life anymore, and they probably make me bitter when I think about them...

so, I decided to delight in burning the old journal that held information that I'd rather not remember. Stuff that has already been dealt with. Stuff that I don't want to find one day years later and think about. The stuff that won't make me more contemplative or anything...it will most likely just make me wonder how I could have made different choices. Not healthy thoughts. 

Anyway, I decided to burn the pages of this journal. I couldn't even get the paper to light quickly...and it was taking forever to do. I knew I could throw it away and be done with it, but that didn't seem final enough to me. If it was burned, there was nothing left of it. Then it just became annoying, the wind was blowing, and I decided it's not even worth it to spend so much time on burning it. I threw it away, with some of the edges of the pages burnt. 

That's probably okay. I don't think it will show up any time soon. 

I didn't know just how long it would take to move forward from something that sucked hardcore. I've been moving forward, though. I guess there are just reminders every now and then....it's like little tests that give me a chance to decide what I want to do with that stuff. I could dwell on it, for sure. No reason to, though. Those reminders are not truths in my life now. 

Praise God.

I'm not invincible.

I feel completely in control, then a few weeks goes by and I look at where I actually am and I feel like I couldn't even tell you. Words let me take a second and write out where it is that I think I am. They come to me through friends who tell me what they think they should, to protect me, to keep me going. Initially, and even after, I want to ignore that. I want to pretend I am invincible, just for this part of my life. I want to believe I can handling anything, knowing I'm praying to God every once in a while just so he knows I have not forgotten about him. I imagine how my life is. I don't look at it accurately. My insecurities just show a little, so maybe it's not a big deal.

But it is.

I am a person who needs to take care of herself. Being responsible? I thought I was...based off of what I want to think.

I don't want you to tell me how to live.

That's dumb. That's not what's happening. You're not actually telling me how to live. You're telling me how I am living, and I'm taking it as a threat because I won't let myself truly look at myself. I won't let myself see any form of ugliness because then I know other people saw and see that as well. I don't like looking bad. I don't like looking dumb. I feel weak when those things are pointed out to me. I feel like I can recover from that and that I'm not seen as someone who is weak, doesn't care, and is extremely irresponsible.

Is that me, though? At my core, at the center of myself, is that me?

No.

I care. I got tripped up.

There's grace. There's room for me to move. God is not going to hold me back. My friends are NOT trying to hold me back. I need to stop making them an enemy. I need to stop all the pretending, as though they just want to fight me and make my life a living hell.

It's kind of funny how accurate that is not.

Those are not my friends.

I'm ready to take action towards improvement. It's not going to be easy for me, but I'm sure I'll pretend that it is.

But I pray...that I will not take this all on myself. That I will talk with my friends. I will talk with the other person. I will be transparent with God and tell him...I cannot do this. I really am weak, and you know how to handle me. You know how to be with me.

A God that knows us so intimately knows how to help me.

I have to believe that. I don't even have to pretend that it's true...because it is.

so good.

I could be sleeping right now, but sleep seems to be one of the last things I would like to give my time to.

This weekend seriously flew by.
I don't even get it, but it was so good.

God has been allowing my relationships to flourish. He has really blessed them. Now that I think of it, it seems like he has been showing me how important people in my life actually are...and I love that.

It's kind of a beautiful situation when my friends are encouraging and I can be encouraging to them as well...and when I meet new people and we're both excited to get to know each other.


Man, I feel blessed and I know I have been blessed.

I think it's safe to say that God is showing me new things.

Spring is getting closer. I can smell it. I can feel it.


It's crazy to think how small we are in all of this.
It's crazy to think how even though we seem so small, we have been created intricately and specifically.

I like that I can see and feel these things called blessings.

Be yourself?

You know when people tell you things like this?...

"Be who you are."
"Be different, it's really okay."
"Don't compare yourself to other people."

Gosh, I've heard it more times than I will ever know. Sometimes I believe this. I believe it and live at least... one day every few months... acting out on that belief. It's so freeing when I believe it. Weird. When I believe it. I don't know when it switches, when there's that time when all confidence is sucked out of me and I feel like I have no idea what I think about myself other than I am extremely self-concious about everything and care in a way that is not even healthy.

Hate that feeling, those thoughts, the prohibitions that come with it. Awful.

In my mind I've made up this person I think I am. Then, I make up another version of myself...and so it continues.

Yeah, I want to be who I am. I'd maybe like to be different if it meant that no one noticed that "different-ness."
No way do I want to compare myself to other people. It makes me feel horrible every time....I still do it.

I want to be who I am...

but I don't really know who that is still. 
I don't know what that looks like, not for the time being anyway.

If God could show me something having to do with any of this. I don't have to convince myself of the truth...I want to just believe it.

here's to you, friend...

I didn't want to think you were right, and I may be wrong in even writing any of this. 

We talked about it the other day. 

You were upset because of where your friendship is/was (whatever that status is) with him. 

I didn't speak much because I want more than anything to believe that I am okay, and maybe even be there for you when you're not...especially with this situation. 

But I want to tell you. 

It is still difficult for me. 

It still has the ability to hurt my heart and I hate that. 

Isn't it strange how God knew we would be hurt by one person in such a deep way?

HOW?

Of course I can't help to think that's not where I should stay. I can't always focus on how I was hurt...but sometimes it seems like I will come back to that. The past can sure be daunting. It's uncomfortable, even. 

I know there is forgiveness. I will move on from this. We will move on from this. 

Isn't that strange and exciting? 

This will be a part of our stories, separately and together. 

There will be beauty found in those stories, along with the hurt. 

Crazy.

God is crazy. 

But, I want you to know that I'm so glad we're friends. 

We're odd. Very odd in our ways. 

But we're so blessed. 

some type of rap dance

My feelings haven't done so well lately.
While equipped to direct me in an uncertain way,
I'm left with chaos that only intends to curl up and stay.

If there's a way out, I've blocked them all
Thinking I'm running, but instead I fall
Right into the very trap that I envisioned I was far from
I made sure I kept my distance, but I was wrong

I've named it apathy, anxiety, and self absorption
But I'm not even sure I could really put my finger on it
Down up down up down up.
No, this isn't a strum, but it might as well be
Every string that is plucked creates more uncertainty

Heavy eyelids, no. That's too cliché.
But I'll let it all go away.
I'll let it all slip away.
Amidst the dull thump of what used to be a heart beat.

Where's that Hope?

Car trouble?
That's not supposed to be a thing that I have to deal with. I'm only 21, in school, and I get to be with my friends.
Pay rent?

I like good expected things. I'd say most people do. When the bad things come up, I want to be far away from it. So maybe I'll sleep a little more, or avoid the situation...OR I could start listening to and believing thoughts that aren't true. I usually choose the last option.

I've been so anxious lately. I expect God to be here, understanding what I need and meeting that need. That's what I really want so that I don't have to deal with the messy-ness. That would be splendid.

That's not going to happen, or at least it's not right now.

Yet, where's that Hope that I've been introduced to many times in my life? I've held onto it before, and this time I'm holding on guilt, fear, and most definitely anxiety.

I hold onto Guilt because it seems like the thing I'm supposed to hold onto. Pretty twisted.

I think that I'm supposed to feel guilty that my car is messed up, I have yet to pay rent, and everything else financial just seems awful...and my parents have to help me with all of it. I feel like an obligation. I'm told I'm not, but I keep pushing the idea. It's like I'm trying to make it true, like I want it to be true?

I hope that's not it, but that's what it seems like it.

"Your parents chose to have you. They knew that all this was going to happen. They helped your brother and your sister, now they're helping you." -- That's what Justine said, and that's what is so true.

I have the freedom in this situation to hold onto that Hope that I've chosen to ignore. I think that hope is for other people sometimes.

I want to hold onto that hope, the hope that says, "You really could be left with nothing and have me. You could be completely lonely, without money, and without a car...and you would still have me."

I would still have Jesus.

I'm going to choose, for this moment, that Jesus is that hope. He says he is.

He will not back down from being Hope. He will not give up.

That hope is still alive.
It has to be.

To Be Known

I often have many racing thoughts...this is a thing you know about me if you know me.
Sometimes these thoughts actually are good to have, and even segue into more than just a racing thought.

Today, I had a meaningful thought...it was this:

I want to be known.

Segued into: I like when people know me and I know them...but more than a surface-y type of "know." It's so good to have a friend that knows what I need, or even what I want. To have someone interested in all my thoughts and to see expressions on their face that clearly shows they care so much. When I ramble on and on, and that person knows that what I have to say could be something that is worth listening to. I love that.

I think that lately I have been craving, mentally, relationally even, to be known in this way on a consistent basis. I do experience this often with one of my best friends, and I appreciate that. So then I'm led to this thought...

I'm pretty sure God knows me even more than that.

--- This is pretty much where I not only don't understand that, but I also am curious as to how this is possible.

Is it really possible for me to be known in a way that is extremely consistent and beyond anything I can measure or beyond a way that I have ever wanted to be known?

Another thing-- I love that as I asked that question above, that question that most likely will not make sense to anyone I would say it to, is known and understood by my Jesus.

I'd like to think that he's not going to keep asking me what I mean when I say something, or what I'm getting at when I try to explain something in a way that is not even remotely clear.

What?

That's a real thing??

I'm hoping it is. I think it is....

And I think I'm ready to explore this part of Christ....this part that knows me fully. 

I'm so excited to delve into this, to just be, and to give myself a chance to believe in this truth.

I Wrote a Blog

"Write a blog. You should go write a blog. I thought you were going to write a blog. Didn't you say you were going to write a blog?" -- all things said by my roommate and friend Justine. 

--- My response-- I don't know what to write. I have so many thoughts (surprise)... I can't condense them. I haven't felt God enough to write a blog. I haven't....I can't.... blah blah. Whatever. 

So, I'm going to write this blog. 

Here's where I am -- well, I'm unsure of where I am, maybe? Lately I've been hearing a lot about how God loves me, and you, no matter what we do. We can try to do things, but he'll love us anyway. 

Okay, I've heard it. Really, I've heard it almost too much. Can't we move on from that? Are we not just trying to convince ourselves that God loves us? I know it feels like I've been doing that lately. Should I move on from that? Not too sure. 

I don't know what to read in my bible as of late. I've been lazy about it. I just don't like opening that book up, with so many meaningful things in it, only ending up searching for verses that I think are relevant or things that are interesting to me. It seems like more of a task than anything. It's almost as if I spend that time reading that book I might find truth and not know what to do with it. But, nevertheless, that is where I really think I am lately. 

I don't know what to do with the truth.

I have known what to do with it. I have known how to speak it to other people. I have known that it is there and it is alive...but I'm not in the same place, even now. There has been something inside of me that makes me want to hide the truth or just not even bring it up. 

Why is that? No clue. 

But, thankfully, I have a friend who is reminding me of the Truth. She's reminding other people in her life of truth. I am so thankful for her. She's strong when she could be weak. I love that. 

Just last night, as I was looking through my bible, I ended up reading Galatians 5. That book and chapter is just filled with all things Spirit-filled. It's so good. 

Here's something...

"You, my brothers, were called to be free..." 
- Galatians 5:13 (some of 13, anyway)

We were actually called to be free...not to give up, not to be perfect, not to be everything to everyone, not to save the world, not to feel good all the time, not to prove ourselves, not to do the right thing every time...and so on. 

I would love to answer that call...to be free. 

I'm told Jesus is good. I believe it. I want it in real life. I want Jesus to be in it. All of it. I think I will always want that, even when I don't show it. 

So, Jesus. Help me be free...knowing that you are with me, that you love me, that you want me to be free, that I can rest in all of You and who you are. 

Here's to Confusion

As always, I have so many thoughts. I tried to condense them into words. But instead of all those thoughts, I'm going to choose to be reassured. I am confused, upset, bewildered, excited, and fascinated by God right now....

I don't know. It's weird. 

But,

It should be okay.

Everything will be okay. 

He is Yahweh

Who is moving on the waters
Who is holding up the moon
Who is peeling back the darkness
With the burning light of noon
Who is standing on the mountains
Who is on the earth below
Who is bigger than the heavens and the lover of my soul (Chorus)


(Chorus) Creator God, He is Yahweh
The Great I Am, He is Yahweh
The Lord of All, He is Yahweh
Rose of Sharon, He is Yahweh
The Righteous Son, He is Yahweh
The Three-in-one, He is Yahweh

Who is He that makes me happy
Who is He that gives me peace
Who is He that brings me comfort
And turns the bitter into sweet
Who is stirring up my passion
Who is rising up in me
Who is filling up my hunger, with everything I need. (Chorus)

You are holy and eternal
And forever You will reign
Every knee will bow before You
Every tongue will confess Your name
All the angels give You glory
As they stand before Your throne
and here on Earth we gather
To declare Your name alone. (Chorus) 

I just wanted to share the lyrics to this song. I just heard it/worshiped Jesus through this song in chapel today. So much truth. 

Here's a link, if you want to worship with this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KimlpvQz3tM

Just Because

"Don't live for God. Live because of God."

Here's one of those times where it's good to actually reread those sentences, maybe several times, and then think on them if necessary.

How great are those words, really?? As Christ followers we aren't called to live a life FOR God, but a life BECAUSE of God. It's so crazy to me how those words make all the difference. 

After seeing Tenth Avenue North perform last night at LifeWay, I was astounded. The lead singer, Mike Donehey, spoke those words that I am so moved by. It was not only a reminder, but a truth that I hadn't seen before, at least not in this way. 

He was pouring out truth. THE Truth. As he was speaking between songs, I heard and saw not just a man who loves Jesus, but I saw Jesus through his words and genuineness. I was focused completely (which can be rare for me). Jesus had all my attention. I loved it.

Mike reminded everyone that we can't work for God's acceptance. We can't get his approval. He has already accepted us. He has already approved. We are his creations. We are so imperfect, but there is nothing that will keep us from his love. 

Yet again, I don't understand. How can this even be a thing that exists? It does. It will not be found in a person. 

We don't even have to work to be loved by God. 

This is so freeing to me. This should be freeing to me. This is the good news. News that will never get old because I cannot wrap my mind around it. 

For this, I am thankful. 

Our God. Our huge God wants us to just be. 

I am challenged, now, to see my life as a way to live because of God's love, because of God's truth.

Just Because.