Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Social Scene Ramblings

Finding out who I am is weird and slightly uncomfortable.

I've heard the phrase "finding yourself" multiple times, and wanting to make fun of the phrase because it seems so cliche and dumb. But it's true. There actually is a time when we have to find least I think so anyway. When I'm put into situations I'm not used to, I find out who I am in that situation...and the next situation...and the next....and so on.

What I've come to discover about myself, from a social interaction of sorts last night, is that I am very reserved when I'm in the company of people I'm not fully comfortable with. I don't speak words really because I actually am a little afraid of what their response will be or how they will take me. I care that much. I usually hate that about myself. Usually.

Then I thought about it, prayed about it, and repeated those two a few more times. I think I'm coming to terms with who I am. I'm not saying, "Well, that's just who I am, so I should embrace it." ...

Actually I AM saying that.

I keep thinking that I have to be like the people I'm around, to a certain extent. I never can fulfill that wishful thinking, though. I haven't been able to yet. I over analyze things and over analyze them again. I just haven't found out how to be who I am in every situation, I don't think. I don't want to change in every least I don't think I do.

There's so much uncertainty in not being fully comfortable with who I am or how I will act in a given situation. I hate uncertainty...yet, I'm in the midst of it in so many aspects of my life. Right in the middle.
I'm not alone, though. I have nothing else to hold on to, no one else to hold on to besides Jesus. Really. That's all, and it's enough.

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