Tuesday, July 3, 2012

I need my Jesus.

I like what you say, but I don't feel it. 
The words You speak and have spoken are filled with truth, but I can hardly say that I fully believe in that truth at that moment I hear or read it. 
I yearn for the day when You're all I'm after.
My thoughts are obsessed with knowing You and only You.
My actions sometimes display what You represent, and sometimes they disgrace the very core of who You are.
I strive and strive, then realize there's nothing I can do to have You love me.
I am always reminded there is nothing that I can do for You to love me. You just do.

That's what I'm always told. That's what I believe sometimes, yet I don't always fully believe it.
I'm sick of not always believing and I'm done with my thoughts telling me that I'm stuck. 

But that feels most true right now. 
I feel stuck. 

Where is the balance of not giving myself too much credit to the point of pride and arrogance to giving myself credit for who I am because I am God's?

Maybe it is that I'm striving for perfection.
I can't find this balance after trying and trying in almost everything I do. 
I want to do what's right. I want to be who I can be in Christ. I reminded of who I can be, and sort of how...

But that's just it.

I don't feel like I know the key to all of this. 

How do I actively become who I am supposed to be?

Will I ever reach it?

I know there is a Truth and I want Him to be the center of who I am.

I need the reminders.
I need the spiritual encouragement. 
I need my Jesus.

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