Wednesday, December 26, 2012

here's to you, friend...

I didn't want to think you were right, and I may be wrong in even writing any of this. 
We talked about it the other day. 
You were upset because of where your friendship is/was (whatever that status is) with him. 
I didn't speak much because I want more than anything to believe that I am okay, and maybe even be there for you when you're not...especially with this situation. 

But I want to tell you. 
It is still difficult for me. 
It still has the ability to hurt my heart and I hate that. 

Isn't it strange how God knew we would be hurt by one person in such a deep way?

Of course I can't help to think that's not where I should stay. I can't always focus on how I was hurt...but sometimes it seems like I will come back to that. The past can sure be daunting. It's uncomfortable, even. 

I know there is forgiveness. I will move on from this. We will move on from this. 
Isn't that strange and exciting? 
This will be a part of our stories, separately and together. 
There will be beauty found in those stories, along with the hurt. 

God is crazy. 

But, I want you to know that I'm so glad we're friends. 
We're odd. Very odd in our ways. 

But we're so blessed. 

1 comment:

  1. we are. we are so blessed.

    and i'm sorry. i didn't know it still hurt. but it makes sense. it really makes sense. i'm sorry. i hurt with you. in different ways.and inevitably i hurt you too. and i will try and soften each blow by standing in front of you as much as i can.

    it's strange to me how God let's us let people in. How the good comes with the bad. and the bad seems sometimes like it outweighs the good- even thought we know it isn't true. it is so strange that He knew- so freaking weird.

    i think it might come in waves- the past. like smelling something you remember. with smell- you don't mean to smell it but it happens anyways. and when you smell that past it takes you to a memory which takes you to a feeling- the feeling of fallout. i still do it sometimes- with another person- the wiff is less intense. but the fact that the past is still there is indeed daunting as you say.

    I wonder why God lets all these things happen.
    I wonder why He lets us do it our way
    when He knows it will hurt like Hell.

    i don't know what i wasn't right about. but i sure hope i wasn't right. i hope i wasn't right. and i'm sorry for being wrong.

    i'm glad we will be in each other's stories. and i hope the stories will be a good read. with our Author I imagine they will.

    we are odd.
    in our ways.
    you're a beautiful writer.
    and i'm loud and out of touch a lot.
    Our God is in love with you.
    And I understand -in my own foolish way- why.

    If I had an eraser Id never blot you out of my story. for you. for your life. and how it gets to intertwine with mine- I am very thankful.

    I want to speak and sing with you.
    Did you know that you're the first friend
    I've ever been completely comfortable around
    Enough to try and sing with all the time?
    It's true.
    And I'm so thankful that you encourage me.
    Your life is a blessing in itself to me.
    As is my God in you.
    lets speak of this more.
    i want to know what you are really saying.
    because i semi don't understand.